“The Spelling Bee”

           It was a Tuesday morning, the bell had just rung, and we were headed to class to start our school day. Our teacher announced that there would be a spelling bee competition and the students competing with the rest of the 5th graders would be chosen today. I didn’t really bother to try because I knew that there would be no way I’m the chosen one since I was never good with words. I always found myself asking the question “what does that word mean?” or “I didn’t even know that word existed” when talking to my friends and teachers who grew up with English as their first language. Something that is very common in the Hispanic community is speaking “Spanglish” where we combine words that are English and Spanish and make new ones. This was one of the reasons I struggled so much with my words since there was no way for me to know when a word was real or simply made up.

        We started to line up in the classroom since we were going to have a little spelling bee competition where the person who won would go on to compete with the other classes. I was in the middle of the line and didn’t feel any pressure since I was so sure I wouldn’t even make it to the second round. As we were getting started, I saw that everyone would spell the words so quickly without even thinking too much about it. Then came my turn and my word was “treasure”. I took my time with it, speaking one letter at a time very quietly and nervously, but eventually I got it. I could see the faces of my classmates, all annoyed and bothered that it took me a while to spell the word out. I felt my anxiety start to come and my hands were sweating. Each time the words got harder and harder, and even though I was not responding as fast as my classmates I made it to the last round where it was just me and another girl. As if my anxiety wasn’t already bad, all eyes were on me and her and while she was spelling out her word I wanted to cry and give up saving myself the trouble of not winning and everyone judging me even more. My last word was “scholarly”, and to be honest I didn’t really know what that meant at that time, but I was willing to at least try and not give up since I had already made it so far. I have no idea what happened to me at that moment, but I had won the class spelling bee which felt like the worst best thing to ever happened to me. What am I going to do now? I now have to go compete with the other students where I will be in front of more people that can make fun of me and murmur themselves about how long it takes me to figure out how to spell.

       Here came the day of the actual spelling bee. I was called outside the classroom to meet up with the rest of the children that were competing. The night before I spent all day trying to expand my vocabulary using flash cards so that I could be prepared. I remember barely sleeping that night from all the nerves but here I was sitting down with the rest of the children and waiting until we were able to go on stage for the competition. It was a very bittersweet feeling being there backstage. I couldn’t wait to be up there in front of everyone, especially my mom who was in the audience. She was always my biggest supporter, and I wanted to show her how far I had come, but I was also scared of letting her down. Onto the stage we went and sat down on the chairs with our names on them. I was in the back row, which was kind of comfort since I was hiding from everyone, and they couldn’t tell how scared I was.

          Jacqueline, your word is “rough”, said the English dean. There I was spelling it out slowly in my head and trying to block out the whispers that were coming from the audience. “R-O-U-G-H” I said. And low and behold I got it right. At the third round, there were only 6 out of the 10 kids that were competing, and I was one of them. I don’t think that words can describe that feeling of excitement I was feeling and complete terror. I had completely blocked out everyone in that auditorium and made believe it was just me and my mom practicing our vocabulary in the living room like the night before. After the 5th round, it was only me and two other girls, and for a moment I started to really process what was going on. I mean I already made it to the top three, no matter what happens now I will be going home with a ribbon and that to me was more than enough. I turned around to see my classmates actually cheering for me and my friends yelling out my name, and the girls beside me smiling and saying to one another that we got this. For once I felt like I belonged, that although it may take me a little more effort to learn new words and understand them, I can do it.            

Although I didn’t win first place, I was able to get second and that was much better than I thought I was going to do. No matter what my background, what I look like, the way I talk, I was up there giving it my all.